Expectations

The mountain was set too high,

Alone with the pressuring wind, I climb

Reaching its peek is still unknown

But the wind tells me, stop with the frown.

I climb this mountain full of uncertainty,

My mind, soul and body seems far away from me,

They work on their own, not knowing what to be,

I am like a robot doing something without its will.

Like a wheel on a truck, 

controlled by machine,

Like a puppet of a human, 

controlled by strings,

I am controlled by the pressuring wind.

I am not a show but all eyes are on me,

This wind is pushing me, clueless with what I feel,

I am really not into this journey,

But who am I to leave?

Shameless update

It’s been a long time since I posted a blog here. I was too busy with school works because, only a month is left before I graduate from Senior High school. I was so stressed for the past weeks. There are so many works to do that I can’t even find the time to finish the series that I am watching. But I’ll make sure to post more on the next weeks after my entrance exam this sunday. 
lovelots xoxo

The last time

As the sun goes down, I am looking at you.

Not minding the beauty ahead of us because, I’m captured by you.

I know how hard it is, my voice won’t go out.

The courage in me went missing, I don’t know why.

I feel my heart pounding, I just can’t do it.

I can’t speak, I’m terrified.

My eyes went blurred—tears are coming.

I am not happy because, maybe.

Maybe this is the last.

The last time I’ll seat beside you looking at the sky.

The last time I’ll hold your hands.

The last time I’ll kiss you.

The last time I’ll call you…mine

Sea

photograph by Jayson Ventura

Being in pain doesn’t mean that it is the end of the world.

Pain cannot be skipped, you cannot hide from it.

Pain demands to be felt, you need to endure it to be happy.

Pain almost killed me, I got lost in sea of sadness.

I know I’m still there, but I’m finding my way back.

I’m near to seeing my self again, to being the person I am.

To be as jolly as the bee. 

To be as happy as I can be.

To be that person you’ve longed to see.

To be the person that is free.

Free from the things that I kept inside me.

I know I can find my way back,

and leave this lonely sea. 

How?

She feels like the world is against her.
Her life is full of questions —she is drifting away.

The thing keeps on pulling her,

she can’t stop it, tho she’s trying.

She is lost, can’t find her way back.

How will she go back?

When will the questions end?

How will she find her self again?

Will she?

The Procrastinator

I am a person who procrastinate most of the time.

I love procrastinating to the point that in the end I need to rush myself out.

You can call it a stupid thing to do, you may call me a person with no direction in life.

You can call me lazy, just like those teenagers who is too tired of school.

I know this is not a good thing and I need a change.

This is hard but I know, I need to change.

Give me time, stop judging me.

I’m enjoying stuffs at the moment but I need to be better.

To be a better person ya’ll want me to be.

I need a change.

Pero tsaka nalang siguro, tinatamad pa ko eh.

Just a boring update

I like to write more meaningful stuffs for you guys. I have a bunch in my head right now but believe me, I still don’t know when to post it. I don’t have time to blog for the past few days and that’s kinda heart breaking.

Please anticipate my blogs for the next days as when I’ll try to put my contents here. You can also help me with topics/something to write about.

I am also thinking of writing short stories for you to read so I am not just stuck with personal blogs and poems. Just wait and see, you’ll read meaningful sh’ts again, soon! 

2017 Appreciation Post

In the next hour we will be saying goodbye to this year. 2017 is probably your best or worst year of all. Maybe this year gave you the happiness that you wished for, or maybe this year made you cry. Some of you probably hates this year ans some of you don’t. But this blog is not about you, this is about me.

This will be a long one, as usual. It’s up to you if you will continue reading this or not.

2017…

All that I want is a year full of happiness. My New Year’s Resolution this 2017 is to be happy. I want to enjoy 2017 and be a more mature human being. But 2017 is a b*tch.

This year is probably the undefined year so far. So many things happened in the span of 365 days. Some of it was so happy— some of it made me cry.

Lets start with the drama where I can conclude that this year is by far the worst year in my life.

2017 really made me cry. We lost someone that we really love this year and until now I can still feel that sadness. I wanted to see him again and tell him the things that I was not able to tell him before he left us. 

This year also gave me too much stress. People may criticize me because I am just a teenager. But I don’t see the logic that only the grown ups can feel stressed out. School gave me stress, personal problems gave me stress, people around me gave me stress. I came to the point that I want everything to stop — and I am not hiding this.

But then, I didn’t. I continued life and did not surrender to the sadness all over my body. Call it depression or what, but I know I can surpass it — I know I did surpassed it.

2017 had been a really bad one for me but just what other people say. If there are sadness, there will be happiness that will give my life a huge turning point.

So enough with the drama and lets go to the part where 2017 became one of the happiest year in the 17 years of my existence.

This year, I’ve been to many places in the Philippines! I enjoyed all the travels with my family and that really made me happy! I found out that there are still places in this country that should be appreciated by all of us. Not only by the Filipinos but also by the world! The people around me knows that I love wandering. There is not a day that I am not feeling the itch to go out and explore! And 2017 is one of that years that gave me the opportunity to be happy and do what I really love and that’s travelling!

I am also able to see my favorite artists this year! Not all because I was not able to see Coldplay, Shawn Mendes etc., But thank God I was able to see BTS and Ariana Grande live! Cheers to more concerts in 2018 and next years! (I really want to see Paramore in 2018 but I am broke asf huhu)

As what I said back at the top, 2017 has been a really tough year for me and my family. We endured so much pain this year, but we managed to surpass and somewhat be happy when we are together.

A letter to everyone:

I would like to thank all of the people that became a part of my 2017 journey! To my family who supported me all throughout the year. To my friends that stayed by my side and became true to me. And to all the fake people who made me stronger! I thank all of you for being around me! I am not what I am right now if it wasn’t for your help!

If you are reading this blog, you are probably one of those people that I mentioned. And I sincerely thank you for whatever part of my journey you have been! Cheers to more years with all of you!

To 2018, it may sound cliche but please be good to me.

The Rollercoaster of the Emotion Kingdom — (a shameless update about my life)

photograph by Jayson Ventura

Obviously this is an update about my not so interesting life. Don’t expect this to be on the more formal side cuz it’s just like a normal shit. I’m not yet in the mood to post anything on my business blog—probably tomorrow. So yeah, let me serve the tea about the past few days.

(If you’re a lazy ass mothaf, you can stop from here cuz this is going to be a long ass reading) Let me start…

I was in a rollercoaster of the emotion kingdom for the past few days. There are times when the optimistic side of me is being tested by this cruel world.

Let me start with the Happy part of this exciting, yet deadly ride.

For the past days I am with the happiest people around me. I was able to showcase the positivity of my soul. I was able to genuinely smile and show the happiest side of Jeys. All we did was to talk about nonsense yet enjoyable shit in the short days that we had. I was able to laugh as hard as I could without the feeling of doubt that it’s forced or something. People around me made me happy and that’s exactly what I needed to forget about the negativity that swallows my entirety. I cherish every moments with these people. I may not show it but please know I do. (ya’ll know who you are. If you know you made this bitch smile, Thank you!)

The sad part of the rollercoaster of emotion kingdom.

I’m sad because it was the first birthday of my Wowo without him by our side. Yesterday, the 19th, was the toughest day of this week. I tried to show everyone that I am happy when I really am not. I miss my wowo so much. How I wish heaven has visiting hours for me to see and say that I love him again.

Another part of this sad emotion ride is my not so healthy love life. I suddenly remembered and reminisce about our happy memories together. Before everything between us ended. This person even reacts to everything as if there wasn’t a problem and as if there’s nothing happened between our “relationship” — the audacity! Indeed the torture of the century!

Anyways, life still goes on. As a person who claims and know that he is an optimist and nothing more, I know that along the sad part of this rollercoaster ride, there is still the happy side to change everything and keep me the positive person I am.

I will be on this rollercoaster ride forever but I am enjoying it! My Emotion Kingdom is great!

so far…

The Plagarist Bella

I know that it is hard to think of what to write. I, myself, have that problem most of the time. Specially when you decide to write something beyond personal.

I know sometimes you are amazed by my works— I’m not boasting, just stating facts. You compliment my works and I appreciate it. But remember that there is always a line that you cannot cross. The line of originality. 

You might think that I’m getting it wrong but know that I’m not. I know what is going on, believe me I know. Even if the words are rephrased, the idea is still there. The thoughts that came from my mind when I wrote it, I know it’s mine. The words are changed, but the idea is mine.

Please know that if it’s hard for you, then the same goes for me. It is hard to think of a content—it was never easy.

I hope this will be the last; the last time that you will use my idea, the last time that you will copy someone’s idea, and

— The last time that I will call you a Plagarist Bella.